wednesday heart attack

i think that i shall make wednesday heart attack a forum for myself to bitch about past loves.

my most recent ex love was my first real love. perhaps that is the reason its demise cut me so deep and hurt for so long. i can confess this now; i think i went crazy. certifiably so. after the break up i mean...
    im sure there were many factors contributing to my insanity. i will spare you the gory details. but lets just say that there was very little eating, a lot of wine drinking, chainsmoking, nail biting, crying, no sleeping, and long phone calls with my younger sister. i lost alot of myself with that one. and im okay confessing that i went a little nuts, because right now there is a little sliver of light at the end of a really dark tunnel. i wont pretend that i am healed. but i can say that i am healING. it seems like a buoy floated over to me as i was struggling to keep my head above water in a dark sea. and im holding onto it for dear life, though not strong enough yet to try and swim back to shore.

so yes i was split in two. broken. cracked. shattered. 

so yes i will show you my scars...so yes this is out of my head and into the great wide open--and if not one person even looks at it, i feel a little less blue having it down in black and white.